Damians Rants, Rages and Randomness

Album Things

2009-03-08T06:29:38Z

Lol.

Nuff Said

2008-12-01T21:57:37Z

gizmodo.com/5100331/a-chainsaw-bayonet-strapped-to-an-ar+15-rifle-is-the-ultimate-zombie-killing-weapon

L
O
L

Easily Amused

2008-11-16T01:59:56Z

Stereotypes galore but what can I say...

Time off

2008-08-22T05:08:59Z

Excellent. I'm almost packed for my excursion into Mormon country this weekend. I get to wake up at 3AM and go to the pick up point for the shuttle bus that's taking me to the airport. Heading to Salt Lake City for some R&R and to go to my best friends wedding with a side quest of visit girlfriend. Should be an adventurous few days. I just hope it isn't stupid hot out. Right then. Going to SLC this weekend. PAX is next and RF three weeks after that. Excellent.

PS: For anyone who doubted my feline nature I hereby present proof. Hosmer says its creepy. Hanging out with my cat max, she knows who her person is.

Annoyances

2008-06-20T16:28:48Z

So...

I guess I'll start by saying I subscribe to the George Carlin way of thinking when it comes to things that piss me off, which is I don't have pet peeves I don't have minor irritations. I have Major Psychotic Fucking Hatreds.

One of these hatreds is directed towards my current employers call center work force. Who are so wrapped up in getting their commissions and sales they quite often forget to ask very important questions. Such as whether new outlets will need to be installed or say if I need to bring a specific type of equipment.

Today their infraction is much more dubious. Upon rolling into the drive of my first job this morning I make instant note of how good the structure looks. For south Whidbey this is odd indeed but I have seen a few well preserved structures here in the last couple of years and don't really pay it any mind. Then I not that the concrete looks brand new. I quickly Google map the location and switch to satellite view and what I see confirms my fears.

Much to my dismay I see the remnants of an old structure piled up in one corner of this lot and the foundation of the structure that stands before me in various stages of completion. This work order is written up as though the house is all ready to go and the only thing I have to do is plug 'em in at the street. Unfortunately now I need to hang a temporary drop from the middle of a briar patch cause its the closest hook up point and do all the other BS that facilitates the connection of a new structure which is not only tedious but VERY time consuming.

I would love to rant more but for now I must just quietly seethe and go about my work. I have other crap to do and I don't want to be working until 6PM.

I'm glad I brought my Zune today...it has all my soothing angry music in it.

Silly, certainly not.

2008-06-05T19:01:02Z

XD
XD
XD

Don't delay...

2008-06-04T18:59:11Z

help save a ninja today.

A valid question.

2008-06-02T16:45:35Z

Epic question posed by child, mind you this is being screamed at the top of a six year olds lungs after their parent tells them not to wander too far.

Child: "Why, is this a bad neighborhood mom?!"

Parent: /palmface

Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots.

2008-06-01T01:30:06Z

The idiots of Gary's Mod that is. A new one has been posted. If you haven't already.

Watch it Now.

THE APOCALYPSE IS AT HAND!

2008-05-31T06:43:17Z

<insert maniacal laughter here>

So one of the things I do in my idle time is ponder when/ if the recording industry as a whole, minus the artists, will shoot themselves in the foot enough time to just simply collapse in a heap on the floor. Suffice to say the first sign has already been seen.

Nine Inch Nails gave the RIAA the universal symbol of disapproval, the finger in laymens terms, and release four CDs worth of music as a direct download from their own website. All for the low price of $10. Not only are you able to direct download said music in a variety of formats but when the physical versions are stamped they also will mail those to you. Perhaps not news to some but what gave me a fit of the giggles out of this is the fact that the fuckwits at the RIAA wont see a dime. The proceeds from said sales will be going straight to the artists involved in the production of said media. That is to say the band it's self, the graphic designers they hired for cover art etc. IE the people that actually matter.

Now over this past memorial weekend the second sign has presented it's self. I invite those of you watching my randomness here on LJ to go and click this article and read. Read and join me in my insane mirth.

Inside the attack that crippled Revision3

I for one, while admitting that having Revision3 go down sucked, am pleased to see hard proof of Media Defenders asshatery.
I for one hopes this indeed does spell their end.

=^^=

Because everyone has the right...

2008-05-27T09:02:20Z

Now go and cast your votes.

Boredom Strikes

2008-04-28T20:07:12Z

So while I was at work a few days ago boredom struck and I decided it would be a fantastic idea to watch the Half-Life full life consequences videos. At work. I tend to watch youtube and other videos when work gets boring and I need a quick injection of entertainment to keep me from going bonkers. So having accomplished said goal I vowed I would spread their greatness onto those who have yet to see them. Namely Raven Graxton and Gas Mask Dragon. Hilarity ensued and we eventually discover the video "Idiots of Garys Mod". More hilarity ensues and good times are had by all.

Last night, whiule introducing Hosmer to said videos at ravens hlouse a neuron in his brain fired off and reminded him of a Rube Goldberg Machine made with garys mod, eventually we found it and it was good. For those who don't know what a Rube Goldberg Machine is, for lack of better phrasing, it's where one makes the most complicated contraption EVER to achieve something stupidly simple.

I, already being a little off, have had a fascination with said celebrations of the laws of physics and decided today would be a good day to look up more examples of said machines. What I will post now is the longest and best executed Rube Goldberg Machine I have found yet today. Enjoy the video and post more if you feel so inclined.

And now on with the show!

The brain-pan and how it works...

2008-03-08T19:15:14Z

Those of you who know me understand quite well that for as scatterbrained as I am I'm quite smart. Perhaps this fact has somewhat befuddled you into wondering what law of physics I'm breaking for this to be possible and have me still function normally. No I won't define my definition of normally, but for those that have wondered precisely how my thought process works it's just about an exact mirror of this guys.

"Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?"

"The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues and obviously the sharing hasn't stopped..."

"Bonus Question: Is hell Exothermic(gives off heat) or Endothermic(absorbs heat)?"

"First we need to know how the mass of hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefor no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now we look at the rate of change of volume in hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the volume of hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that hell is Exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

The Weekly Rant.

2008-02-25T06:11:46Z

I'm going to attempt an experiment here. For my own personal gratification if nothing else. Since I'm so dreadfully inactive on LJ I might as well.
I'm going to start doing a weekly rant, the topic of which shall be whatever I deem rant worthy wether its something that directly affects me or something that I randomly come across on the interbutts. The criteria that must be met is the topic at hand has to be something that irks me. The degree of irritation is likely to vary so I cannot guarantee that as the weeks progress the rants will get progressivley better. For those of you who give a crap here we go with the first installment....

So to those of you I know quite well and associate myself with on at least a semi regular basis. You know that I have been jonesing over getting a new laptop ever since FC and the screen in my Dell caught fire. The wonderful folk at the IRS and my place of work were kind enough to grace me with my Tax Return and my Bonus on the same day of all things. This caused me do do my own itteration of matrices happy dance and sit my goofy ass at my computer to actually purchase the damn thing. This was the highlight of my day as what transpired afterwards has caused me nothing but grief, stress and large amounts of annoyance.

I placed my order at 0700 to ensure that my order would ship by 1530 later that afternoon and arrive on my doorstep by 1600 Saturday. For those of you who are not military inclined, simply subtract 12 from the time listed if its already after 12 noon. Carrying on.

I went to work and was greeted with an easier day than I had planned. I get a service clip which is basically, to me at least, a gravy work day and so i set forth on my adventures in the wonderful world of cable with a smile on my face and Disturbed playing a concert in my heart. I know I'm weird...get over it.

Somewhere around lunchtime I get a call on my cell phone, mind you this is 5 hours after I placed my order and 5 hours after the company I made the order with opens their fucking doors. They inform me that they are unable to secure authorization on my order because the phone number I have listed with Bank of America (Henceforth BoA) does not coincide with the one I gave them. Thats easy enough to fix. I call into BoA and update my information in about ten minutes. I call PCMall (The company I ordered the laptop from) and have them re-run my card with the info updated. The person I get on the other end isn't exactly little miss sunshine and doesn't seem too sure as to what their doing but I'm told everything's good to go and my order will be shipping later in the afternoon. At this point I could have save myself a great deal of headache had I gone with my gut instinct and called back to get someone else that knew more of what they were doing. Of course i brushed this feeling off as nothing more than paranoia and ignored that little voice in my head.

1530 Friday afternoon rolls around. I'm sitting on my ass at home and check my email to see if I have the tracking number for my order. Nothing...

Immediately that annoying little voice springs up in my head and i wanna gag the little motherfucker with chloroform cause it's repeating in that annoying squeeky voice "I told you so" over and over.

I cal into PCMall and am told that they, once again, could not secure authorization on my debit card. I get someone who's IQ far outstrips a glass of water this time and they inform me that could be for one of three reasons:

1) There isn't enough money in the account (I Already know that isn't the case)

2) The bank has placed a freeze on my account for suspicious account activity (Unlikely)

3) There is a spending limit attached to my debit card that I'm unaware of. (DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)

At this point I'm instructed to cal into BoA again and find out whats going on. I get a hold of a nice lady on the other end who is more than willing to help me out. She takes the spending limit off my account and informs me that if my card is lost or stolen I will need to cal them immediately and let them know so that my bank account isn't drained of all my fundage. Fair enough, I thank her for her time and help and back off to call PCMall. I get a hold of the same service Rep I had talked ten minutes prior and have them run the card again. Lo and behold it goes through just fine. Before I let them go I make certain that my order is going to ship that day, as it is now 1550. I'm told no....processing wasn't completed in time.

I Grit my teeth at this fact and ask them to change the shipping charge from the Saturday premium to a normal overnight shipping since it won't get here till Tuesday. I'm informed that it will be far easier to just cancel the previous order and have it direct shipped from one of their warehouses. I say fine. Order is canceled new one is made and I clarify that "It will be here Tuesday then?" To which the answer I received was yes. Groovy. Annoying but groovy.

Saturday.

I stew over the fact that I wont get my laptop until Tuesday but largely get over it. I be lazy for awhile, followed by some more laziness followed by a trip into town around 1900 for some Quizno's of tasty goodness. I make my order and when i go to run my debit card the machine makes this horrid noise, somewhere between nails on a chalkboard and the screech of a harpy whose just been impaled by some form of sharp projectile. I'm pleasantly informed by the person running the till that my card is reported as lost/stolen. We both agree that this can't be the case as it's most certainly my fugly mug on the goddamned card. I quietly thank the man who tipped me Friday when I fixed his shit and pay in cash. I try to hit the branch in Oak Harbor before it closes down for the night but fall short. I grumble a bit and hope my happy ass on my Katana and ride home...gratuitously fast i might add.

Sunday.

I find myself waking up an innumerable amount of times from having gone to sleep early on a Saturday. I'm pretty sure the actual number falls somewhere between a fuck ton and dude you need some tranquilizers. I finally get up, I feel like hell and I've got a headache that reminds me of when i broke a brick with my head at three years old. I go and seek some form of rehydrating liquid and sustenance. Upon my return my room mate regales me with a tale from some occurrences with a couple of our mutual friends down in the Woodinville area. The tale I shall save for another post.

At this point I decide it would be a good idea to contact BoA and discover just how thoroughly fucked I truely am. Oh and was it thorough.

Remember that nice lady I spoke with when trying to get the spending limit yanked from my account. Turns out the bitch backstabbed me. She took it upon herself to monitor my account activity for anything suspicious. Remember how I had the primary order for my laptop cancelled so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra shipping? Guess what, when the new order was created it showed up as a seperate charge to the same place on my account and the person watching immediatly went into ZOMG mode and took it upon themselves to CANCEL my debit card. Not FREEZE my account but full on fucking CANCEL

I'm told the individual in question is way over the bounds of what is supposed to happen with regards to customer accounts at BoA, as if I wasn't already aware of that fact, and the only action that should have been taken was to freeze the account until such a time as I could be contacted and get into a BoA branch to confirm my account activity and identity. The person I'm talking to now is utterly pissed, possibly even more so than I, and trying every trick in the book to get my shit fixed.

Alas she is unable. She regretably informs me that they will be needing to issue me a brand new debit card, number and all, and that its going to be FedEx'd to me at no charge. She says I should have it by the end of the week. In the mean time all I have to rely on for access to my account is checks and direct contact with my branch....fantastic. Too bad almost everywhere in Oak Harbor no longer accepts checks. Guess I get to walk around this week with a wallet full of cash so that I can eat and put fuel in my vehicles.

Not only that but now, when i get the new goddamned card I have to go back through to all my online accounts and change the fucking debit card listing so i can pay my fucking bills...fabulous.

I guess the morel of the story is, If your going to purchase anything over $1000 with a debit card it is a good idea to first contact your bank and make sure everything is in top notch before doing so. Or, Alternatively, don't do business with PCMall as their customer and sales support personell are the biggest epic failures I have yet been in contact with.

Rant concluded, stay tuned next week kiddies. Same time, same place.

-Damian Wolfe

Bouncing off the walls

2008-01-23T08:21:16Z

Only a little though.

Tomorrow morning I take GMD and Raven into the bus station at Mount Vernon. This way they can have some "fun" getting to FC. Fun being defined as fighting off hordes of zombies/ vampires on the bus.

The day after I get to drive myself, matrices and my roommate to Seatac so matrices and i can get on the plane and head to the FC. My roommate gets to drive my car back here to Oak Harbor.

I'm excited as all hell to be going to FC. It will be my first con attendance to date. Hopefully not my last. On the one paw I'm mentally bouncing off the walls in a thousand different directions with excitement. On the other I'm calm and just waiting for the day to arrive. I haven't begun getting the "OMG con" jitters yet.

I expect them to start any minute now.

On a completely unrelated chain of thought, I finished a tail to take with me and wear at FC. I couldn't find the black fur In the correct pile/ pattern. Well thats not entirely true. I could have gotten some black fur that would 'ave worked but the base it was on made it look like it belonged on a zombie. I can't be having the zombie hunters mistaking me for there quarry now can I.

EDIT: You know those OMG con jitters I was talking about? Yea they've kicked in full force now that I'm home from dropping off the GMD and the Raven. Excuse me whilst I lose my sanity.

*Begins ricocheting off nearby surfaces. Chaos and panic ensue.*

Premptive Strike on Bordom

2008-01-10T20:35:15Z

So as it turns out this is my three day weekend from work. As of now I have no idea what to do except be a hermit and hide in my house like the crazy neighbor that spies on everyone through their window shades. So if anyone has some time this weekend and wishes to have my presence known....by all means chuck a stick of dynamite or a flash bang into my room and get my attention.

A phone call is also acceptable.

Hmmm

2007-12-10T00:06:12Z

I made a discovery last night on the way to my companies Christmas party. No matter how bundled up and warm you are frost can still form on your person when your riding a motorcycle at 75mph in 25 degree weather. Just an observation I felt I should share.

Also:

Comment if you want me to:

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

damianwolfe @ 2007-11-26T14:38:00

2007-11-26T22:39:16Z

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In March I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In May I set ravengraxton's furby on fire, before he could get to it (-660 points). In June malytwotails and I robbed a bank (-50 points). In July I invaded Iraq, broke it, and couldn't glue it back together before Mom got home (-1012 points). In September I signed my organ donor card (28 points). In September I gave omekin a kidney (1000 points). In October I helped jondisaurus see the light (8 points). Last month I bought porn for ravengraxton (-10 points). Last Monday I gave gas_mask_dragon a hug(1040 points). Last Tuesday I helped ravengraxton hide a body, to cover my own ass (-1730 points). Last Wednesday I caught a purse-snatcher who stole matrices's art bag (30 points).

Overall, I've been neutral (0000 points). For Christmas I deserve a belt-fed weapon. Or a swift kick in the teeth, what ever is handy at the time.

Sincerely,
damianwolfe

ROFLcopter

2007-11-11T02:20:19Z

Finally teh weekends. I'm tired of getting the ever loving shit kicked out of me at work because certain individuals are lazy/ unreliable.

Oh the wellz. On happier notes. gas_mask_dragon, jondi_wolfsong and omekin have invaded ravengraxton's place. I got off work yesterday, procrastinated, couldn't find my motorcycle gloves then finally made it over there at about 2030 (830PM). Much fun was had and randomness ensued. Including a trip to our local saar's marketplace where jondi went nuts with all the imported japanese food items. Upon our return to raven's appartment we decided it would be the awsome to order some pizza from my former place of employ (papa johns). After the ordering had concluded raven's roommate volunteered to answer the door in matrices beefjerky fursuit. It was funny as hell and you have no idea how difficult it was to retain a straight face when i went to sign the reciept. I'm certain that person walked off wondering just what it was they had encountered.

The video can be found here.
Most interesting note is that raven's roommate has stated he isn't furry. Although there is now significant evidence to disprove that theory.

=^.^=

Argh

2007-10-14T22:21:38Z

    Well I managed to drag my ass out of bed this morning without the use of my alarm clock(glares at the evil device). Friend of mine called and said "PAINTBALL!" I replyed "O rly?" and so my day began. Got my gear together and hopped on my bike to hit the wally-world here in Oak harbor so as to swap my CO^2 for a fresh one. Only I find out that the company that wal-mart was paired with decided to never pick up the empties or replenish the stock of filled ones. So in turn wal-mart has given them the universal symbol of disapproval (the finger in laymans terms). Oh joy.
    I got my ammo and these 88g disposables in hopes that I might still have some fun. I still had about a 3rd tank left in my 20oz so they were for last resort type thing....I played 2 games out of twenty. As luck would have it something has gone horribly wrong with my tippmann. For the first time EVER it's decided to, instead of shooting paint balls, to shoot soup. I have resigned to the fact that I need to strip it down and rebuild EVERYTHING. Not something I had wanted to do today. *sigh*
    Oh wells. On a happier not I touched base with matrices  after the games. She had to work at 3 unfortunately so we couldn't actually meet face to face. Perhaps next time we shall be able to. Damn that funny work thing and everyones varying schedules. I think I might go tear around on my motorcycle for a while today. Since for some unknown reason the weather decided to be dry rather than pissing rain. Odd for this time of year indeed. o.O

50 questions

2007-10-14T04:01:08Z

Well for shits and giggles I figured this would be the best way to let others get to know me a bit. Questions stolen from ravengraxton answers are mine own.

1. What is your character's name?
Damian Marcus Wolfe

2. What is your character's name in another language?
Haven't the foggiest.

3. How old is he/she?
Same as I.

4. What is your character's race/species?
Liger. Black Base coat white/silver stripes and mane.

5. Do they have a crush?
Not as of yet

6. Do they have many friends?
Many many acquaintences, very few full fledged friends but working on moving some from column a to column b.

7. What planet is your character from?
Earth

8. Does your character like to eat?
*pokes ample gut* yes...

9. What's her/his favorite food?
Italian...mmmm

10. What's her/his favorite drink?
Alchoholic: AMF Non-Alc: Tea in all its varying varietes

11. Is your character annoying?
not that I know of

13. Is your character loved?
By family and friends, yes.

14. Is your character hated?
Yes but they tend to leave me alone.

15. Is he/she emo/goth?
yeah....no.

16. Is he/she straight, bisexual, or gay?
Straight near as I can tell.

17. Is he/she a virgin?
No

18. Name 3 hobbies
Video games, Driving, drawing/ writing

19. Is your character normal?
Normal? What is this fabled thing of which you speak.

20. Is your character attractive?
I'd like to think some find me attractive.

21. How does your character handle emotions?
Depends on the emotion. One base parameter...never over do it.

22. Does your character have other forms?
Not yet....tinkering with the idea.

23. Does your character overreact?
Only in a situation where it can be made funny. Overreacting to stupid situations is a no no.

24. Is your character a criminal?
Negative.

25. Does your character go to school?
Not currently

26. What's his IQ?
High enough.

27. Does your character have a disease/curse?
Curse yes...work related shitty luck. Otherwise nope.

28. Is your character dead?
*Checks Pulse*

29. Does your character have a family?
Yes, but far closer to my friends than my family.

30. Has he encountered any tragic times in life?
"Yes... When Calvin and Hobbes stopped running in the newspaper. T-T Le sob." -Raven Graxton
I Second that motion.

31. What's the best time in your character's life?
Don't know...probably hasn't happened yet.

32. If you could name 1 friend, which would you relate to your character?
My buddy Justin.

33. Is your character single?
Alas I am. *sigh*

34. Has he/she developed any relationships?
No once again.

35. Does he have an element?
Thunder/ Lightning

36. Do you role-play your character?
Not yet.

37. Do you write about your character?
Anything down on paper, no. But in my head oh yes.

38. Does your character have a bad temper at times?
Yes, but it is only released on those that deserve it.

39. Does your character get depressed?
Depressed no, sad...occasionally for good reason.

40. What's your characters favorite animal?
Fellow felines.

41. Does your character have any fears?
Yes. Being alone, in terms of love and in terms of friends.

42. Does your character have any weaknesses?
Stupid people tend to spark my ire to the point of massive distraction.

43. Does your character look up to anyone?
Not really.

44. Does your character like music?
Everything except about 95% of rap.

45. What's your character's favorite type of music?
Rock/Trance/Techno/Industrial/Heavy Metal/Dance/Alternative

46. Is he impatient?
Depends on the situation at the time.

47. What's something funny about your character?
Sleeps like a fucking rock. Only his alarm clock (which is thoroughly despised) is capable fo rousing him before noon.

48. Name 5 nicknames
Damian, Dom, Dammy, Wolfe, Night

49. Does your character curse?
Thats like asking if I breath. In short yes.

50. This test is over, what does your character have to say?
Does anyone have a stick I can borrow...I Know a certain someone who deserves a swift ass kicking...

-Damian Wolf